Beauty where you once felt illness

What you do? When you feel down, disappointed, all at once but not good. Far from it, just like nothing worse could happen. Why all this? Because people leave. That’s what they do; when you feel the weakest, the smallest, like you don’t value anything, even though you do, they leave. You started to trust them, to care about them, even love them, and not just that, they’ve become your pole, they’ve become your greatest support. But that doesn’t matter to them. Or so you feel in your sadness and bitterness.

Sunshine, you’re just like a construction on an island. When the ground flows away, you risk to drown, but you don’t care, you love the water, right? Then, someone shows up, out of nowhere to sustain you, it becomes what I’ve said as pole. You don’t feel like worrying anymore, you have that one special, but as times passes by, he leaves, slowly, but you are sensitive, you feel that “leaving slow” thing, but in the same time, you just can’t stop it, it’s not up to you. There are moments, really rare moments, when you finally feel that love; you’ve known since forever that love exists, you’ve just been afraid to dream about it, even though you’ve been offering it, dreaming about getting it from someone seemed too much, seemed impossible. But with time, you gained trust in that someone, he opened your eyes, made you realize that things are not as bad as you thought. You actually started to believe that life is not that hard, that it is worth living.

But even so, people can leave, situations change, sometimes no one is in control. Because I could not understand this, I just made assumptions. They killed me everytime a little more.  I’ve compared myself to others way too many times and it got me nowhere, nobody really noticed the fact that I’m destroying me. I was so dead inside and sometimes outside too, I was drowning in a sea created by me. I used to think, no, actually, I wanted to believe that I don’t need people around me anymore, that I could be happier just by myself, but I had no idea back then how wrong could I be. If only I could have seen that it was no ones fault. Things just sort of happen.

And what did I get out of all that behavior? Happiness? Not even close. Running away from people around you will never make you feel better. Never. It will only make you feel worse, feel unloved. I need people, you need other people, we generally need each other. Talks, hugs, kisses, presence. We need these. That is what makes us humans and it is okay to be scared of depthness, of something real, especially if you’ve never actually had it before. But do not let fear control you and get the best of you. You are stronger than this. You can do it. Love and let others love you dearly.

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