That’s what I love, that’s what we used to love. It was good enough as it was and when it was. I do get that life is filled with temporary people, I strongly believe that, because you cannot control everything in life, yet I can’t help but wish we still had it. I do wish we still had those stories to tell, as you actually taught me how to communicate, how to express myself and not be afraid to say what’s on my mind.
You probably don’t recall, but you once asked me what was wrong with me and I did not want to tell you. Why? Because I had no idea, not even the slightest idea how to get the words out, how to put my feelings and the mess in my mind into words. How was I supposed to know for sure if you got the right thing out of my story? I just wanted to make sure you actually understood me. A you always gave me advice and tried your best to help me out, I did not want you to waste your time and energy on some stupid advice that would never apply to me. Most importantly I guess it’s that I did not want you to change your opinion about me, I wanted to make sure that you understand the real problem. It was your wish to see my pain, so I shall grant it. Anyway, you helped me through it, you helped me tell my story – that I was really, really afraid of – and the truth came out, even if I had no idea it was there in the first place.
So now, all I can say is thank you. I did not realize I actually wanted to thank you until it was too late. You were someone way too important to me, you were there when pretty much no one else was, not even me. Unfortunately, I have no idea how many times I have told you that I appreciated you, if I ever did, that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you did, but you know what they say, better later than never. I’m trying to make sure that I do it now. Thank you for all you’ve done, for being really patient, really supportive, thoughtful and kind. I don’t know your motivation anymore, I thought I did, but no, not now. You’ve kind of told me some strange reasons, but as strange as they are, I’m gonna believe you on those ones, because the reality is nowhere to be seen and it’s only between you and God. You really acted like this. . . perfect combination between a wise parent and a protective sibling and I kind of needed those things back then. But afterwards you came with a lame excuse to leave me on what I now call a deserted island in the middle of an unknown ocean.
End of part 1