​What if I told you a secret?

Would you be able to keep it the same way my mind keeps you within me? The same way my heart won’t give you up no matter what. The same way my whole being craves your presence. What if I told you I might finally be in love? I was craving this my entire life. What if I finally got it through you? There is no way to know yet.

There are, even so, a few things that I am sure of. I don’t just want your attention. All those times I wanted someone to feed onto my obsession, someone to praise me and me to deny it everytime. Someone to not know me, discover things and be mislead as easy as I want to. Someone to play with, to make me feel I’m in control, to make sure that is a person I’d never fall for or get attached to. I wanted someone to fall for me so I could understand that concept by example. Someone to pressure me to do things so I could give them up. A person to be shocked by what they discover in me. Someone I could mess with and them not getting hurt as they didn’t love me, not for real. A person to pretend that I care for truly, to keep me being in love with the idea of love. Someone real, but not necessarily with me. 

Yet, I met you. You knew nothing about me, but saw me as an angel. You weren’t shocked to see certain things in me, but wickedly smiled and moved on. I don’t just want a ghost, a so called lover, I know I want  y o u. Your attention, your presence, your optimism, your patience, your mistakes, your wise words, your kindness, your sweetness, cuteness, your nice sayings, your sighs, your little gestures of affection, Your apologises when they are not needed just to make sure I understand you care, your reassurance that you miss me and that you too want me. I want you and it’s crazy to think about it. I always knew it would happen, I wasn’t afraid of it, yet I’ m still shocked that it actually happened. I won’t deny it’s real, I want to accept it. I adore every second of it. I miss talking to you, laughing and smiling everytime I think of you. So many things remind me of you, it’s crazy. So I smile, keep on thinking about that certain thing, as much as I can. I add it on a list of beautiful blessings that make me feel your presence.

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