Wanderlust

Have you ever felt addicted to a person before?

Have you ever felt your heart sink in when you hear their name?

Have you ever felt you knees shaky when you heard their voice?

Have you ever felt your breath slowing down when feeling them near?

If feels like some sort of drug – but stronger. You feel sad, happy and it’s like you can’t really feel unless you see them. It feels weird. And oh, so wrong, so stupid and childish.

My brain keeps telling me to grow up, snap out of it. And I’m trying so hard, but can you ever really leave an addiction behind? When you’re so obsessed, can you really give it up? I was hoping some answer would come to me as I write this. I was hoping things would just go away if I ignored my feelings long enough. . . that they’d fade away in the darkness of the human mind. Things get lost all the time. Why not this?

“Because this is real. This is real life and you have to understand you can’t play with fire and expect absolutely no consequences after that”. My best friend told me that one night when I couldn’t sleep. She laughs at me. All the time. You can always see an “I told you so” on her smirking lips. She knows me and she knew I’d come to this. I’d come obsess. To want more and more and more. More of that person, more time, more of that feeling from when we’re together. I said she was insane to think I’d ever do that again. I said that I’d learned my lesson. I said I was never again going to be that foolish. Little did I know. Little did I know it would catch up on me. All those moments I was so cocky, proud. Here I am again, in that same old dark pit. Craving and wanting more but even being scared to ask.

You just have to get lost. Get lost in yourself until you forget anyone else exists.

– xo, moonlight talks

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