I miss having you around me so much it’s scary. I adore you. Lacking your presence has become my biggest fear. I have nightmares every night. About you, leaving. About me not being able to hear your laugh. Going crazy. Crying in between supermarket aisles. Holding back my sighs when something reminds me of you. Trying to explain anything has cost me so much. I don’t know how to do it. Because hearing your voice in my head every damned day is the best thing and the worst curse I have ever came upon. I’ll shatter. I feel it in my bones. I feel pain and ache, I feel things so powerful, they’ll rip me apart and crush me underneath their weight. It’s heavy. And scary. Dark and noisy. I’m heavy-chested and I feel claws holding me in. In the unknown, in the pain and suffering. I don’t know what I want or what I need. I just know it’s scary.
I adore you. And that’s my problem.